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"Half Charlize Theron, half Catherine Zeta Jones," Mariaexplained."How many women do you know named "Charlize?" I asked her."Wait a few years," she said, "their number will go up. There are probably millions of five-year-olds already."I wasn't much for telephone conversations. Not even romantic ones.Maria was, though."What are you wearing?" she asked, a smile in her voice."What am I wearing? --Is this an obscene phone call?" Could be," she said. "You want to know what I'm wearing?" I know you're going to tell me," I said."I'm wearing a blue polka-dot dress with a white collar," she said. "And white shoes, with ankle straps." Oh. OK." I had expected her to tell me she was wearing Chanel Number 5, or perhaps some other, updated variation on the old Marilyn Monroe tease-line."But -- you're not wearing any underwear, right?" I said."What? Well, of course I'm wearing underwear!" Oh. So -- why did you bring this up?" I asked."I didn't bring it up. I asked you what you were wearing," she. They swarmed her with hugs and Andi’s eyes filled with tears.“How was the reunion?” her husband asked. Before she could answer, she was peppered with updates.“Daddy burned dinner.”“Dad burned breakfast, too.”“We went to Golden Corral.”“Daddy said he couldn’t sleep without you next to him.”“I did not say that!”“I missed all of you so much!” she said, tearfully, her thoughts of a moment before a million miles away.“Hey mommy, you look good!”Melanie Branch, in contrast, had a welcoming committee at the airport. Five sets of eyes could tell right away that something about Mom was new and improved.“Hey, sweetheart. Great tan,” her husband, Rev. Fisher, said by way of greeting.“Mama, your boobies look bigger,” one of her eagle-eyed kids said.“My God, they’re awesome,” her husband said, taking way too long to notice.“It’s been a long time since the girls defied gravity,” she grinned at her brood. Once in the SUV, she took her favorite spot in the back seat. Her kids quickly pulled off her.
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